Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
