Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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