we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
