I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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