Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
