My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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