I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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