And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
