I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
