i think my tv is drunk
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
