I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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