i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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