I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
