please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
