At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
from now on my penis is your penis
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Randomize
