Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
