If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
