how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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