I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
