ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
