I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
