I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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