I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
