Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
