just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
