Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
