Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
