i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
