I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
