new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
