I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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