I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
