My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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