I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
