Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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