if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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