I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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