the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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