Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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