I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
