today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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