So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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