dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
