I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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