I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
