Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
