We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I had to cum in my sink.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
