I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
