we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
