nut hugger
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
