i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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