the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
