maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
