i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
