guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
