Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
