took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
