Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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